That’s how I hit rock bottom — with all the determination in the world.
I have never, and could never, settle for the usual jobs. Not that I am against any of them or the concept itself, but because I simply wasn’t born for them. Literally. I even envy those who have the patience and persistence that a job requires.
I barely made it out of school — not for lack of IQ or potential, but because of boredom, because of chronic procrastination, perfectionism, loss of focus .. to name a few.
Still, I feared failure. Not financial failure — I always knew I’d be provided for somehow — but failure of the soul. The kind of failure where you slip into the “normal” conveyor belt of life: job → marriage → kids → death. Even with all the drama, action, romance and fantasy that would inevitably and obviously happen in between, it still looked hollow to me.
So, after graduation, I went “nomadic.” I freelanced my skills before freelancing was even a thing. I did anything that would let me express myself. But nothing truly fed my hunger. Until social media arrived. And I felt like, in today’s terms, I had manifested this for the world 😅 (I know, I can be a bit much)
Did I actually do anything with it?
No. Obviously not.
I just kept dreaming. Chronically, consistently, with all due diligence… dreaming about “the day.” The day I’d figure it all out, start walking toward the light, keep glowing until I couldn’t be ignored anymore — shining even brighter with each step.
But that, I now realize, is just a very poetic way of failing. And failing is exactly what I’ve been doing. Until yesterday.
It’s strange how synchronicities happen — How two or more things happen at or around the same time as your deepest gut feelings.
We moved to Korea last June, with a one-year-old in tow. My sanity was hanging by a thread. I gave up on working, called it a “rejuvenation” phase, and just kept on dreaming.
Fast forward to now: I’m a daycare English teacher, also recruited by a neighborhood academy to teach English. Two jobs that literally came to me (with all gratitude to the people who trusted me). Two perfectly acceptable new excuses to “take it easy.”
Until, again, yesterday.
I stumbled across a clip of Alex Hormozi on William Chris’s podcast. He said:
“For the love of God, get in shape. It will never get easier and you will never have more time. You will never have more time and less responsibility than you do now. So you can either accept that you’ll be out of shape for the rest of your life, or do it. But stop wanting it.”
I froze.
In my head I rewrote it:
“For the love of God, get in shape — write your book, resume the newsletters, create content, pray, meditate, turn all the books you invest in into gems people can benefit from, do what you say you’ll do. It will never get easier. You will never have more time and less responsibility than you do now. So either accept being out of shape — physically, mentally, spiritually — for the rest of your life, or do it. But stop wanting it.”
It echoed all night. And then, this morning, I was laid off from both jobs at once.
Everything clicked.
It felt like God was saying:
“Is this what it takes for you to understand? For you to finally start? Here, you’re welcome.”
And now… I’m done hesitating.
I’m not going back.